let justice and praise become my embrace

figuring out the art of losing myself to better know Him

Wednesday, 5 September 07

Filed under: God,life,priorities — joyunspeakable @ 6:31 pm

There is an Afrikaans word “deurmekaar”, which means crazy, messy, confused, out-of-order… there isn’t really any one English word that can quite sum up its meaning.

I feel a bit deurmekaar today. All over the place, hectic, running around trying to get stuff done, and not exactly succeeding… I don’t think this is the way God intended my life to be.

What happened?

There are so many new things happening in my life right now. Fresh stuff that God has seen fit to bring me this semester… new friendships, a new major (!), new passions and interests. And while all of it is really exciting, I almost feel like I have, for a moment, lost sight of that which is most important. God.

I so want to know what the purpose of my life is, I want to seek God’s calling on my life. But not at the expense of losing the relationship.

Why do I always come back to the same point? God must be all to me. He is no longer a part of my life. He must be all. If he is not, then that’s when things tend to get a bit deurmekaar. So I guess I’m coming back to what it’s all about…again.

And I bet this isn’t the last time.

Life loses its meaning if we try to do it apart from Him. God will destroy anything upon which we try to build our lives, because he is a jealous God, and he wants what is best for us. So I find myself here picking up the rubbled pieces, mindful of the fact that I have reverted back to building on sand, when all along the Rock has been right here in front of me.